Q: How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb and one to hold the penis - uh - I mean, ladder.

Q: How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!

Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two..............IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT?????!!!!???
A: 100. One to change it, and 99 to wring their hands and agonize about how oppressed the socket is.
A: How old-fashioned. The other 99 are there to lobby Congress to outlaw crimes against sockets -- and to say the bulb-changer is not a representative of mainstream feminism.
A: 11. One to DO IT ALL BY HERSELF!!!! And 10 to form a survivors of darkness support group!
A: Seven. One to change the lightbulb, three to protest the offense committed by the lightbulb in regards to the socket, two to secretly wish they were the socket, and one to secretly wish she was the lightbulb.
A: Three - one to do it, the others to consider unscrewing it before it's a third of the way in.
A: None. It's not the lightbulb that needs changing.
A: Five, four to try like men and fail miserably, one to find a female electrician, settle for a man and picket as he works.
A: Two - one to change the bulb and one to write about how it feels.
A: Two - one to change it and one to threaten to do a Lorena Bobbitt on any man who tries to interfere.
A: Three - one to screw it in and two to talk about the sexual implications.
A: "Hey man, screwing objectifies the lightbulb"
A: 50,000 marching on Washington demanding the lightbulb be changed!
A: That depends. If there is money in it, it takes 10 women-only-government- contractors working 2 years at a salary of $50,000 per year. Otherwise, it's traditionally expected for the man to do it.
A: Ten: To form a university funded protest committee to research how the white male patriarchy conspires to keep women and minorities in the dark.
A: Two. One to threaten that as a mother, she will be unable to provide her children light without federal assistance; and a N.O.W. attorney to ask the Justice Department to sue GE for allowing the bulb to go out in the first place.
A: Nobody knows. But everyone knows that women and minorities will suffer more than anyone else because it's dark.
A: None. Women have a supreme court, constitionally protected right to work in the dark if they choose to.
A: It's sexual harassment to even SUGGEST jokingly on the net that a woman SCREW in anything. This joke will be banned by the FCC.
A: One. But if the bulb IS replaced, the job will go to a minority or woman contractor.
A: 30,000 to start a letter writing campaign protesting Newt Gingrich cutting off funds for the Federal Light Bulb Changing Agency...
A: Three. One to screw it in, and two to file a sexual harrassment lawsuit on behalf of the bulb.
A: Two. One to wait for a federal agency to send someone to screw it in. Another to file harassment charges against the men possibly looking at her in the dark.
A: Feminists don't screw at all. That's what sperm banks are for!
A: If a feminist does screw in a light bulb, it will be up to the government or the father to support any children resulting from such a sexual act. She will also require free day care for the light bulb children and federal funding for studies of how light-bulb children should be treated under affirmative action hiring quotas.
A: Unknown. But the federal government's welfare reform will limit the number of free light bulbs a woman can receive to under 2 years supply.
A: One. And when she replaces it, she will think of Mother Earth and use a fluorescent lamp designed to last 3 times longer and protect the environment... But if a man isn't paying for it, then she will use the cheapest one.
A: Two, one to change it and one to tell her she did a really good job.
A: That's not funny, abusive white male aggressor!!

Q: How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four - one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof.

Q: How many Fisherman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four, one to change the light bulb and three to brag about how big the old one was and about the one that they would have changed, but "It got away"

Q: How many footballers does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: Five. One to get into position to screw it in, one to kick the legs out from under him, one to snatch the lightbulb and pass it to his mate who, then goes and screws it in over the other side of the room, and one to roll around on the floor pretending to be really injured.
A: 15 - One to put the bulb in, 10 to kiss him afterwards, and the other side's back four to all stand around and put their hands up.